yeah i am sitting in communcation graphics. i just finished all my work and i am bored as hell...*Sighs* as i sit here i am just thinking on alot of things thats been going on in my life. i am about to be 17 this friday and i am thinking to myself..."i am this old...and yet i havent done anything in my life" my friends want me to go with them to places on my birthday but i am like "nah..i just wanna sit home, watch naruto, maybe play some games, and just wait till monday" do i have old people senses? yeah, without a doubt. i mean i would like to shop (for anime of course) but i dont know..i am just not my old self when i could just do anything and everything at anytime notice. i honestly thought anyone is reading this but thats okay, i am merely doing this just to pass time in class, so if i go talking about something random, forgive me.....whats my point of living? guess thats something i'll have to ask god when its time for me to leave this world. hopefully i'll go to heaven, but i doubt it. i've done my share of things, hurt people that i didnt intend to hurt but it just happened. for those who are reading this and i've hurt you just once, i am deeply sorry. i know i am not the best person in the world...but i try to be when i can...eh..guess i'm not really cut out for somebody to be by my side, and thats okay. its not like anyone would want to be with me. if i do go to heaven, i wonder will i see my brother. i bet he'll hit me for all the pain i've caused for people. i know i've mad people cry alot and curse themselves..i dont mean to do these things..i wonder who i am. i mean i know i am joshua white..but..what am i? i know i am human but it feels like..i am something else..hmmm..am i a bad person? when you see me do you have a smile on your face, or do you curse me to hell? do i make you happy, or do i make you weep....everybody wants to be my friend..but they dont want to know the "real" me....i have always been there for people..but when i need someone to talk to..no one's there. if they are, they really dont wanna hear it...heh...those are my "friends"....i am so alone....when people see me all they really see is me laughing or messing around..but when its all said and done..i am hurting inside...i am crying...i dont really show my true self around people because most people i know come to me for advice and aid..its cool and all but..who is gonna be there for me...heh..so ironic...i help people..but i get no help in return.....anyway if somebody did read this then thank you..even though you cant do anything to help me..thank you..for atleast you listened to my cry of help, if you ever meet someone like me...please help them..cause you never know..they may not be there tomorrow...